I ate my publicist. I assumed her form, I stole her memories. Now I wear her clothes and sit at her desk.
         Ever since I can remember, I wanted to be a star. My first break was in high school, when they invited a big-name actor from the Guthrie to speak to our drama class. I seduced him in the boiler room after school and bashed his head in with a hammer. Then I went to work on him. It was my first time, it took a while and at the end I thought I might be sick, but I kept my eyes on the prize.
         I skipped school forever to live his life. I meant to make my stage debut the next week, when he was supposed to open a new production of Fences. But I chickened out. I knew I wasn’t ready. I faked illness and took a plane out to Hollywood, where he had friends working on a film. God, I was so naive. I started my film career by eating the writer. But I wised up, I moved onto the extras, then to the small parts, the character actors, I ate boyfriends and girlfriends and husbands and wives but I was discriminating and I only switched if a better opportunity presented itself. I was learning the craft. Looking back, those were happy days.
         Then, when I thought I was ready, I took a big swing: I went for an A-lister. It took a lot of effort to get her alone, but I did it. Then I had her clothes, her dressing room, her money, her publicist, her ex-husbands, her face—one of the most famous faces in the world, and the tabloids instantly knew something had changed. Was she pregnant? Was she ill? Had she broken her heart? It was too distracting, I couldn’t concentrate on work… But if I’m being honest, it was me. I can steal a face and a body and a voice and every memory, but talent is something else. It’s just not easy to fake it.
         My career slipped. The roles dried up. I did a lot of drugs, I ate her dogs, don’t ask me why. I took small parts on television. I did a series of crypto ads even though my publicist said it was a career-killer. She was right.
         Eventually I needed a fresh start. I’ll take my time. I’ll work hard on behalf of my clients, harder than she ever worked for me. One day, one of these aspiring young things will hit it big, and I’ll be there for them, and they’ll be there for me when I decide to get back in the game.
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